Back to Shadowland
by GypsyGrl77
Summary: Suze has way more trouble than she cares to deal with. With confused feelings and tough choices, what is a young mediator to do? And what is wrond with Jesse? Song fic to James Blunt CD


**Introduction **

Hey, everyone. I have been reading FanFiction for a while now, but I have always experienced writer's block after the first few sentences of any story I began. Then, this idea came to me. I hope readers enjoy the concept, and review for improvement purposes.

This is a song fic, only moved to a new level. Every chapter will be based off of one song from the James Blunt CD, Back to Bedlam. However, the extra layer is that the words will be in the dialogue instead of just listed in-between. The songs will go in order as given on the CD, and words will appear in the following order: all verses, bridge, refrain, and concluding lines. I am afraid I must do this, for otherwise Jesse would say 'you're beautiful' about ten times. I know Suze would like that, but even she would begin to feel overkill.

Songs will be shared in both Suze's and Jesse's perspectives, although not necessarily in an even number. I will not be doing a pre-summary, for that read the book, but remember these few details. This story is one year after Twilight, Jesse is actually a shifter as he was able to keep his ghost abilities, and any amazing actions preformed by a human (Suze, Jesse, or Paul) should be put down as shifter 'powers'.

I promise not to cheat with any of the songs (like play them on the radio), but I have already decided that one will be a letter. To beat me without remorse in my moments of weakness, I have friends who will also edit and review my writing. Hopefully, it is mistake-free (thanks in advance JB and NB). If you still want to read my fic, I wish you well. You have no idea what you are in for.

Thanks 3,

_GypsyGrl77 _

**High**

_Disclaimer:_ _While I did pay hard-earned money for the Mediator series and the James Blunt CD, _

_the authorities say I still do not 'own' them. Drat. _

Suze rolled slowly rolled over underneath her covers, experiencing the beautiful dawn's light sear through her closed eyelids and warm her peaceful face. Hopelessly clinging to the perfect dream that had been playing through her mind, she felt herself resentfully surrender to the powerful pull of consciousness, and realized that being awake was actually even better than any vision she could create. Nothing, real or otherwise, could be better than what was next to her then.

Jesse was still asleep, his head resting slightly off Suze's pillow and his dark hair spread haphazardly around his perfect face. One arm slide underneath of her, while the second was laid casually across her waist. He looked peaceful, happy, something she had not seen in the last week. Whenever they would be together, Jesse's eyes would jump to every corner, movement quick and inconsistent, and expressions treasured when the emotions returned to their usual joyous and loving state. Suze had not pressed him, for she assumed it was only pressure from his schoolwork, as Jesse had more catching up to do than either of them had anticipated. He would begin medical school in the summer, and Suze's heart burst with pride each time she thought of how much effort Jesse had truly put into his studies. She believed that she loved him more now than ever before; though how that seemed possible she would never understand.

Jesse stirred slightly as Suze leaned to gently kiss his relaxed lips. While he shifted into a more comfortable position, he gripped Suze's tank top and boxer shorts tightly, moaning vaguely about some odd subject incoherently. She felt herself being pulled toward his body, and heard him whisper "no Querida, no" again and again. Unknown to the man beside her, Suze started to stroke his head, sensing the vicious nightmares her love must be experiencing. She wished she could comfort him in a more physical manner, but Jesse was adamant in his belief that anything below the neck was off-limits until marriage. Sleeping together in the literal sense was fine, but intercourse had to be put out of her mind until later in life.

Suddenly, Jesse's eyes flew open. At that moment, Suze truly began her day. Even though the sun had already started to rise, this was when his eyes lit up the shore for her alone. It was what made her continue with her existence. He was her everything. There was nothing else in the world she would rather wake up and see.

"Querida."

"Good morning, Jesse. Have you been alright recently? Things have seemed a bit off with you lately."

"Susannah. I have just woken up. Can I please have a moment of peace before we begin the interrogations? Let's just enjoy this beautiful dawn together."

"Alright, a moment."

They melded their bodies together, squeezing into the other with sudden desperation. Suze wondered where Jesse's sudden explosion of emotion had come from, believing the source to be his frightening nightmare. Hoping to defeat the inter-demon Jesse was harboring, Suze tried to pour as much emotion as was possible into one hug. They seemed to stay that way for hours, with neither wanting to let go. Their emotions just chased time away again.

"Oh, Querida," Jesse whispered into Suze's own dark hair. "I though I would die a lonely man. My death made me believe I would exist in endless night. But you saved me."

"Jesse."

Suze held either side of his head, giving him a chaste kiss to try to calm his clearly frazzled nerves.

"Susannah, you are as beautiful as the dawn," Jesse sighed.

Suze's heart seemed to melt with the stars again. Since all of her family (yes, she finally did admit the Ackerman's were her family, even calling Andy dad now that her father had truly passed on) was gone for the day looking for school-acceptable clothing for the three boys, Jesse and Suze lay under her bedspread, reveling in each others close proximity and subtle touch for the rest of the morning. Finally, the call of hunger became overpowering, and the couple ventured down into the household kitchen.

Once they had entered the kitchen, Jesse grabbed Suze forcefully, kissing her with so much uncontained passion Suze felt as if the world was beginning over and over again. Jesse never bared his emotions this much, this obviously, but Suze was not about to start complaining now. His arms wrapped around Suze's waist, causing their hips to bang into one another forcefully. Both kept the kiss simple, yet they could not contain their emotions, and this made them push harder and harder towards one another while they exchanged feelings. Then, just as suddenly as the kiss began, it was over, and Jesse walked away to sit at the table.

Suze stood there, shocked beyond belief, unable to formulate thought or create movement. Even though Jesse had blown off her casual questioning, she knew something was wrong. None of what had happened this morning made sense. Usually, when they woke up each morning, Jesse would give her a light kiss, say goodbye, and then shift to his apartment so he could prepare for school. Not today. And usually, Jesse would feel horrible for being under the bedspread with her, insisting both of them to be without, r Suze underneath alone. Otherwise, he said he was 'insulting' her. Not today. And usually, Suze was the one who had to initiate passionate kisses like the one only moments before. Obviously, not today for that either.

As these thoughts ran through her head, she also traveled back to the night before. When Jesse had appeared, Suze had been distracted, to say the least, but maybe she had also been inattentive. Cee-Cee had just called her with important news; Adam had finally told her that he loved her! This was the moment that Suze's friend had waited to happen while they were dating for the past year and actually for much longer if the time the Cee-Cee pined for the young man before they had gotten their acts together and started to date. Yet, as much as Cee-Cee loved Adam, and she had told him so several times, she had never been received with an answer. Adam was too much of a joker, a prankster, the class clown every student both cherished and despised while enjoying the kid make the teacher pull out what little hair they had left. For him to even date a serious journalist like the albino, even though the pair had been best friends before, probably seemed like pushing it to Adam. However, the teen had finally come around, and Cee-Cee had been "just dying with anticipation to tell" her best friend the amazing news. For a journalist, she seemed a little dramatic, but Suze suspected it was a caught up in the moment kind of reaction. Cee-Cee required someone to listen to her rave in joy, and Suze just happened to be at the top of the list. Jesse had to understand that, right?

However, even after finishing her conversation, Jesse had seemed… distracted. He appeared to be full of purpose, as if he was almost on a mission. He had not given her the customary welcome, insisted tapping her shoulder. He avoided her eyes continuously, and made an effort not to touch her. Suze, of course, solved that by plopping herself straight onto his lap, and causing a little more expression on Jesse's part. After that, he had been even more caring than ever before, as with this morning so far, but now he seemed to be reverting back to his previous demeanor.

Suze shook herself to life, forced herself to sit across from her love, and stared at him. She decided he needed to make the first move. Finally, he noticed her gaze.

"Queri- Susannah. We need to talk."

"Good. I knew something was up. Spill. Talk. Whatever. Just clue me in."

"Susannah, do you remember the day my journey began. I always will, and so will you. For me, it is like remembering the end: the end of my time as a ghost. Then, you saved me, brought me back to this beautiful existence called life, allowed me to experience my hopes dawning once again. I am more thankful to you for that than any of my pointless words will ever be able to describe."

"Of course, Jesse. K would do anything for you. I lo-"

"No, Susannah, do not say that. You do not. You should not."

"What? Jesse, what are you talking about? We have -"

"Yes, we have been through much. However, we will not be through anything more. We must separate."

"Are you… you can't be… no, really… are you breaking up with me?"

"Sí."

Suze almost fell out of her chair. She wanted to laugh, smile, and pretend he had never said what he had. Even thou he also looked as if he were falling apart, if could not be as bad as this. She felt as if he was just blowing her mind. I t was like loving him all over again. Only much this was worse, because that time had been her letting him live. Jesse was killing her in this kitchen, and no one would ever be able to save her. Then, Jesse turned his now vacant face to her despairing one.

"Susannah, you are holding me back from where I want to go. I am going to be a doctor. I want to help people. I can't do that if I am constantly being reminded of my time as a ghost by being with you. I truly want to be the best physician I can be for the people who will need my help. You are in my way."

The room filled with silence, one of the few instances Suze had never been able to deal with.

"You're serious?"

Her sobbing mixed with hiccups, and her breathing became ragged as she seemed to choke on air itself.

"Sí."

Suze shuddered with an intake of air that was inconsistent and gasping.

"Don't you love me?"

For a split second, she believed that his face caved. Then, she realized that she must have imagined concern captured on his perfect face.

"No."

Then, Suze let out a loud cry, as if physical pain were coursing through her entire body. She curled into a ball, drowning in her suffering. This was worse than her nightmares, worse than her darkest fears come to life. She had thought that Jesse would love her forever. It was the one constant positive part of her life. As her mediator skills had developed throughout her youth, she had thought she had been born to endless night, with tales of murder and betrayal surrounding her always. After all that, Jesse allowed her to be free, to feel as if some of the weight had been lifted and shared. Until he had come, it was darkness. Then, he shined.

Once he had become human, Suze felt her life start anew. And then he discovered he was not only a mediator, but a shifter as well, just like Suze. He became Suze's equal in everything: mediation, understanding, and love. No one would follow Jesse, replace Jesse, be Jesse to Suze again. He was to be her shoulder when she was gray and older, promised to be with her always. Even when he had been a spirit, he had said that tomorrow would start with him and with her, that he would not leave her.

When they were together, they were high as the sky would allow. The two would run wild among the fields, stroll along the beaches, and gaze at all the stars above. Sometimes, Suze felt consumed by her amazing love, but felt Jesse was perfect, present, real… not anymore.

Suze raised her head slowly and slightly, hoping against hope that he would take back his words. He didn't mean them. He couldn't. He was her Jesse, his heart not that hard.

He was gone.

She couldn't believe it. He had probably already forgotten her. He did not want to remember her.

Her highs were gone, as the bringer of beautiful dawns had deserted her, forever.


End file.
